How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
