I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
