So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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