So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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