Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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