I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
A+ Viking dick
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