Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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