By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
