Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
