we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
