worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
