I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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