It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
handjob tips. give me some.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
