these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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