bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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