1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
