tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize