I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize