Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
