I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
