so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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