Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
