Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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