so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
