Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize