3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
