We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
