apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
