End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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