The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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