Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
