Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
