Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
