idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
