O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
