mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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