So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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