I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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