just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
