Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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