is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
