**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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