it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
