yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
