God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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