Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
