If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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