You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
