I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
