Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
