Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
