don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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