Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
