Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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