I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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