He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
