I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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