I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
