you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
