you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
