im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
