True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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