Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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