Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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