I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I can text with my tongue
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
