Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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