Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
