do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
