you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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