I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
