i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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