honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
