I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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