At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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