meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
