just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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