Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
