Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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