I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
