Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
